I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Randomize
