Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
i just google imaged poop.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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