Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
