If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize
