man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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