you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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