Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
