are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
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