I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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