you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
