he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
