Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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