I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
