i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
