did you get engaged???
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
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