note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
You may now shotgun with the bride
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Randomize
