you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
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