i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
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