nutella sex= disaster
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
