I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
