HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
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