He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Randomize
