What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
