My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
