we're blogging at a bar
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Randomize
