i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Randomize
