I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
