im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
