i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
