her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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