i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
