fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
