Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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