Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
