eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Randomize
