Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Randomize
