In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
