I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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