Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
