I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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