Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
