you mean i was at the winter classic?
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
You made out with two different species that night
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
