i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
