cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
