saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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