This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Randomize
