My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
