She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
