it was like eating out sand paper
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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