2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
